Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
