Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize