Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
