My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
