I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think my vagina is haunted
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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