im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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