Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
