You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
