he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
