He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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