I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I will be naked everywhere
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
