i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
