The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The air taste purple.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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