The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I fill condoms, not promises.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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