I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
