That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
