She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you had me at cake vodka
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
