Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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