very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
