First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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