A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
