He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
