I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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