I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
