This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
