my phone needs a breathalizer
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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