Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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