Don't EVER smell your tampon
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
