then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
