I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
