Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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