but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
