there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
