I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
