Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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