Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize