Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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