Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.