I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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