Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
