Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

  (1-916): View more from California

  High five!

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  (916): Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?" (1-916): High five! http://tfl.nu/3w1i
  Replies (2) Good night (2676) Bad night (545)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises

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  (905): So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises http://tfl.nu/ed2j
  Replies (15) Good night (1629) Bad night (803)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now

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  (703): He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now http://tfl.nu/q7km
  Replies (8) Good night (669) Bad night (2550)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating

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  (309): I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time (1-309): I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating http://tfl.nu/74eg
  Replies (21) Good night (5037) Bad night (1339)
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  (310): View more from California

  I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him

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  (310): I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him http://tfl.nu/a0ny
  Replies (14) Good night (4165) Bad night (1888)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"

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  (516): Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering" http://tfl.nu/dwjq
  Replies (8) Good night (5449) Bad night (830)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men

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  (404): it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men http://tfl.nu/z2fi
  Replies (20) Good night (1459) Bad night (3330)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.

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  (402): I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story. http://tfl.nu/wp0p
  Replies (11) Good night (742) Bad night (1905)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick

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  (804): You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick http://tfl.nu/kw0t
  Replies (1) Good night (483) Bad night (1172)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX

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  (703): He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX http://tfl.nu/gbwm
  Replies (6) Good night (1441) Bad night (906)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.

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  (740): so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore. http://tfl.nu/i2il
  Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (313)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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  (706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr
  Replies (6) Good night (1241) Bad night (377)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.

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  (+61): Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with. http://tfl.nu/73vt
  Replies (2) Good night (315) Bad night (645)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.

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  (865): Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point. http://tfl.nu/q6x3
  Replies (1) Good night (547) Bad night (387)
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  (805): View more from California

  How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?

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  (805): How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution? http://tfl.nu/e70o
  Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (298)

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