I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
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Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.