It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
