I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
