So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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