so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
