YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
