drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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