well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
