some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
