so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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