Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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