oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
false alarm. still invincible.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
