she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
