i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
