I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
