At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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