i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
