Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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