Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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