Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
