i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
