I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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