1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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