a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
