I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
