this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
