i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
