I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You pole danced in your parka.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
