Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
