He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
