Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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