When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
